Why Me

I guess I need to add to my New Year's resolutions and include writing on my blog.  I guess I just haven't fully gotten into the swing of things yet.  This past week at school has been full of ups and downs.  I had a day where two of my 2nd graders had a vent session to me about why they don't like me and why I'm a bad teacher.  These two boys are much higher learners than the rest of their classmates but their maturity level can be very low at times.  We have our good days and not as good days together.  While they were complaining to me, I had to remind myself that they are only 7 or 8 and that I'm really not that horrible of a teacher.  I also had to remind myself and tell them that I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on. They did not seem to understand but it made me feel better.  Several of my students have been very uplifting though.  I had a 2nd grade girl that is so sweet and always knows the perfect moment to give me a hug.  I will miss all of my students because they are my first real class of students but those particularly kind students that are always bringing positive energy to the room are the ones I will miss the most.  I still have not decided when the perfect moment is to tell my principal and Julissa that I will not be staying next year.  It seems like there is never a calm moment but God will present the right time to me.  I just have to be patient. 

Speaking of patience, since coming back, I have started running again.  I have run around 3 miles everyday since I've been back and it feels really good except that I wish my time was better.  My friend Cristina and I are training to do a race in the next few months and I want to be happy with my time.  I get really impatient when I start working out and running because like anything in life, I like knowing or seeing results right away.  I always want to know what's next and pretty much wish I could see the future.  Too bad I don't have that ability.  It's probably a good thing though.  Anyway, back to running, I have come back sore each day but I know it will be well worth it.  I just need to keep my motivation up and a consistent schedule of running. 

Besides running this past week, the girls and I have been playing catch-up since we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks.  Wednesday, Amanda cooked dinner for us and it was really good but extremely spicy.  So spicy that I had to get out the sherbet and we all ate some in between bites to cleanse our palates.  We had lots of laughs and shared about our breaks that night.  Friday night, since the Cotton Bowl was on, I made the girls "Kansas" food which included barbeque chicken and coleslaw.  Nothing super fancy but delicious and then they watched half of the football game with me.  I'm very appreciative of nights like that because I can just sit and share things about home with them.  I told them I have a friend/old co-worker on the team and just kind of give them a little background about home.  I think that's one major difference between the two of them and I.  I have lived in Kansas all my life and that's where my heart is, no doubt.  Amanda was born and raised in Tampa but her mom now lives in Virginia and she went to college in Philly.  Patricia was born in Haiti and has only lived in the USA for 8 years now.  The two of them still aren't sure what they consider home because they have several 'homes'.  I guess that's one reason why it's easier for me to know that I'm supposed to go back to Kansas--because it's the only home I've known.  There obviously pros and cons to every situation but I'm very grateful to call Kansas home.  God blessed me with a great life there growing up and loving people to come home to each time.

Now to the title of my post--why me? This was the theme of the homily today.  As I was driving to Mass, I was a little down because I was going alone again.  I had gone to Mass with my family every weekend I was home and it was so comforting to be surrounded by so many familiar faces.  I got to the church early and took that time to reflect on the week and different situations in my life.  I was grateful to be in church but still struggling with a few things so by the homily, I was ready for something eye-opening.  He asked, "How often do we ask God 'why me?' when something goes wrong instead of asking God, 'why me?' when we see all the blessings all around us?" That struck right to my heart.  I do not believe I am the most pessimistic person but I certainly have my moments where I focus on the struggles instead of the joys in my life.  We finished Mass and I was feeling a little better about things I'd been praying about when a man came up to me, asked my name, and if I was a student.  I told him what I was doing down here and he told me he was the new director of the campus ministry.  I felt like that was such a sign for me.  I was so involved with Didde in college that not being involved in a church down here has been strange and almost made me feel empty.  I greatly miss having a church community and I feel like him coming up to me was God's way of saying He's going to fix that.  Getting involved in a new church down here was on my bucket list for the year so I think maybe I will get to check it off after all!

To be a bit mean, I spent the day on the balcony writing lesson plans and I think I might have gotten some color because the sun was so warm! A teacher's work is never done it seems so I have to go for the night but I challenge you this week to ask why you were given all the blessings and joys in your life instead of the few things that might go wrong every now and then.  Remember, it's all according to His plans!

"Trust in the Lord with all your house, do not rely on your own understanding.  In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6