Today was the 2 year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti. Thinking back to two years ago, I was a junior and preparing for Block 1 and the busy semester I had ahead of me. I was also a RA and many of the floors were raising money and collecting donations for the disaster relief. I remember thinking about how sad it was but I never thought I would feel the direct impact of it. It was very selfish thinking and I prayed for all the victims but that was about it. Two years later, my heart hurt so much sitting and listening to the students that survived the earthquake.
We started school with Mass this morning and I knew it would be very somber. Patricia and I talked about it yesterday on the way home from school and she knew of people that had died but no one that she was extremely close to. None of my students were survivors but after sitting in Mass today, I realized how many were impacted by what had happened. The parish priest had to go back to Haiti today so he could continue work on the clinic he is trying to build down there so we had a different priest at Mass today. I enjoyed how he started out his homily by saying, "It's not what we have in our lives but who we have in our lives." I felt like that really spoke to the students and helped them see that we need God in our lives even in the darkest of moments. He continued his homily and for me, it went on a downward spiral. He proceeded to say that if the government had built stronger buildings, not as many people would have died. Then he said that they were "stupid deaths" and I became very shocked. One of my boys who is very emotional and was already crying, became even more upset at this comment. I do not think any death is stupid and unfortunately, Haiti is a very poor country so even if the government were in different hands or what have you, that might not have changed how the buildings were built. I just felt his comment hurt many of the students who have experienced lots of grief and pain because of the disaster. We also had the preschoolers in Mass today and that word is definitely not in their vocabulary.
Following Mass, three eighth grade girls who survived the earthquake wrote a reflection about their life since that day and shared it with the school. Only one of the girls was actually able to read what she had written but I could hear the pain in her voice. They all mentioned how confused they were that day, two of them having lost their fathers that day, and having to move to the United States days after the disaster. My heart sunk more and more as their reflections were read. I could not even fathom what they have experienced. As I looked to my students and saw their tears flowing, my eyes started to water up even more. I felt so connected and yet disconnected at the same time. There was a blessing said over all the students that were survivors and I would say that at least 15 students were up on the altar.
Mass and the Haiti memorial took about 2 hours so most of our morning was gone. I thought that the rest of the day would be quite calm but it seemed to be the very opposite. I had a very frustrating day with the class. They had been sitting for so long that I knew they would be a bit stir-crazy but it seemed extreme today. I was just ready for lunch because I did not feel like I was going to be able to get anything accomplished in the 30 minutes beforehand. The afternoon did not go much better and I reached a very high frustration point where some not so nice thoughts went through my head about not coming back. I never said anything and prayed for patience in those moments many times. We made it to the end of the day though.
One of the fourth graders melted me a little today after school during homework help. He struggles in math so I tend to work one-on-one with him whenever I can. We were working on division and he asked me if my parents and sister were coming down here next year or if I was going back to Kansas. I told him I was probably going back to Kansas and he looked very sad. I couldn't help but feel bad for my angry thoughts earlier and I know when it comes time to tell my class, that I will have a hard time explaining it to them. After a long conversation with Julia tonight, she helped remind me to not feel guilty when it comes time to leave or telling anyone because my contract is just for a year and I never planned on staying longer than that.
Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness! After this week, I definitely feel like the 3-day weekend is needed. I'm not leaving til Saturday to go up to the Orlando area for service work and then over to Tampa for the rest of the time. I'm saying prayers that tomorrow will be better than today but not forgetting what the priest said in Mass today, "It's not what you have in your life but who you have." I'm very grateful for everyone in my life.
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