These past 4 days have been busy and yet relaxing, or at least this weekend has. Thursday was Julissa's birthday so I brought her the cupcakes and cookies to share with the class. She was very appreciative of it all and the class overly celebrated her birthday. They acted as if it was some huge holiday and that doing any lesson that day was unnecessary. They sang all sorts of songs and were a little bit crazy that day. Julissa was appreciative of how much they loved her but by the end of the day, I could tell she was worn out from it all. I know I was. Friday was a much calmer day, since the birthday celebration was over. We went about our daily Friday routine and also had to prepare our classroom for the assistant superintendent who is coming tomorrow! There was lots of cleaning and organizing to be done even though it seems like we do that every week.
I stayed later on Friday to finish up some last minute work in the classroom and then went back to relax and start my weekend. I must say this weekend has been quite refreshing. I have not felt stressed out over lessons plans at all. I was able to clean, work on job applications, and read a book for most of the day. I did spend most of my Saturday morning working on job applications for back home as well as updating my resume and writing cover letters. That part of my Saturday was not so stressful as it was overwhelming. I had so many different emotions running through me while I was doing it that it became hard to focus and concentrate at times. I want to get them all sent out by the end of the month so hopefully I can stay focused and make more progress on them this week. The perfectionist and writer definitely came out in me this weekend as I was writing the essays for some of the applications. I have too much to say sometimes and they do not want to hear all of it. I need to work on condensing most of my thoughts, that's certain. I do feel very refreshed and at peace with knowing that I am going to head back to Kansas. Parts of me get a bit stir crazy because there is still so much of the world to explore and save but I still have plenty of time for that.
Today was lesson planning day and relaxation. I woke up intending to go to Mass at 11 but felt like God wanted me to go to the evening Mass so I slept a bit longer and then went on with my day. I even straightened my hair! I feel like I've made a lot of progress this weekend, even though it's not visible in the apartment. I went to Mass this evening and definitely felt like I was at home in the church. There were not many at Mass tonight which was sad but maybe with having the new director, things will start to change. I know Tony has good intentions and I pray that God helps him during his new position to help those dreams and thoughts come true. He was there after Mass so I stayed and talked with him as well as a few others he introduced me to. Even if I am not able to get very involved at the campus ministry, it is still nice to have connections there and people that are willing to help in my faith life.
Tomorrow brings another school week and almost the end of January! Where has the month gone? Have a great Monday or as good as Mondays can normally go!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Whirlwind
Saturday seems so long ago already! My trip to Orlando/Tampa went by so fast it seems. I left early Saturday morning for Orlando to do a service project at one of the service sites there, an assisted living place for disabled adults. After a few hours there and catching up with some of the other volunteers, I hit the road for Tampa. After hanging out with Cristina for a bit and having dinner, I met up with my friend Cub's family. (His real name is Lucas but his camp name is Cub so it doesn't feel natural to call him by his real name.) His all-star football game was at Buccaneer Stadium which was pretty neat. Surprisingly, the game was pretty chilly and not what his family was expecting. Cub was able to play alongside another friend from high school so we had a nice little Garden Plain/Kansas section going on in the stands. Cub and his friend had a great play together in the second half where Cub blocked as his friend went in for the touchdown so that was really exciting for us to see. Their team won 31-7 which was fantastic! We all piled in the van and headed to go eat some dinner even though it was past 11 by that time. I spent the rest of the night with his family talking and getting to know them. His mom teaches in GP and one of his brothers used to work at camp so it was neat to swap stories. I just really enjoyed being with a family from home, of course. They flew out the next day so I headed back to Cristina's apartment to get some sleep.
Sunday and Monday were pretty laid back days. Cristina and I went to Mass together and later went for a run on Sunday but other than that, we just hung out at her apartment and lounged around. It was nice to hang out with her and spend some time with her instead of our normal phone chats. I do wish she was closer because I know I'd be able to see her more often but I'm grateful for when I can see her. We have developed a really great faith-based bond and I know that has helped me grow these past 5 months. Monday morning we slept in and after a late breakfast, I hit the road for Miami. I got back a little after 5 but was able to catch with a lot of friends on the 4 hour drive back. I normally do not get bored on long drives but for some reason, I just could not be with myself on that drive. My hand had a cramp by the time I got back that evening from holding the phone so much. I spent that evening unpacking, getting settled, and attempting to finish lessons until I realized our internet was not going to permit that.
These past two days of school seem so long but they have gone so fast. I went to school early on Tuesday to use the internet only to discover that the internet was down there as well. I really enjoyed being at school much earlier and just being able to mentally prepare myself for the day. I might end up being an early-bird teacher next year as long as I can drag myself out of bed. The rest of the past two days have been spent in the normal routine.
Today my girls brought up the hillbilly questions again and this time they gave me a list of questions for homework to answer. I have also been getting "tipped" by one of my girls and am pretty sure I'm up to at least $.30 so far! I want to see how much I collect from her by the end of the year. I should probably do something nice with it like give it to charity. ha ha.
I almost forgot to tell you that I was able to meet with the Director of Campus Ministry at the Catholic campus center I've been going to Mass at. I met with him yesterday and left feeling more than relieved. Even though he's only been at Barry (the college) for about two weeks, he has high aspirations for what he wants to accomplish. I could just feel God working through him and he was so genuine on wanting to help me in my own faith journey. He offered to do whatever he could as long as I am here and invited me to come to any event they are hosting. He gave me a few spiritual readings that I think I will really benefit from. One of them is a reflection that I will start doing each day--focusing on the positives and how God has worked through me that day and then looking at what was not so great and how I would change it for the next day. He also gave me a book by St. Ignatius that I am excited to read. It was such a huge relief and really strong moment for me knowing that God was completely working in that moment because Tony (the director) did not have to come up to me after Mass or continue reaching out to me. God really wanted me to work on my own individual faith these past 5-6 months because He knows how blessed I was to have a community right there all my life. Even if I do not get extremely involved, I know that this will be a good influence on my life down here and that God will be there each step of the way.
I have been making treats most of the evening for Julissa's birthday tomorrow. I forgot how time consuming baking can be sometimes. We also finally were able to get our internet fixed, not that it affected any of you a whole lot but I can finally do school work at the apartment again. I have to go finish the cupcakes but have a great second half of your week. I can't believe January is already halfway over! Where has this month gone?
Good night and have a peaceful day!
Sunday and Monday were pretty laid back days. Cristina and I went to Mass together and later went for a run on Sunday but other than that, we just hung out at her apartment and lounged around. It was nice to hang out with her and spend some time with her instead of our normal phone chats. I do wish she was closer because I know I'd be able to see her more often but I'm grateful for when I can see her. We have developed a really great faith-based bond and I know that has helped me grow these past 5 months. Monday morning we slept in and after a late breakfast, I hit the road for Miami. I got back a little after 5 but was able to catch with a lot of friends on the 4 hour drive back. I normally do not get bored on long drives but for some reason, I just could not be with myself on that drive. My hand had a cramp by the time I got back that evening from holding the phone so much. I spent that evening unpacking, getting settled, and attempting to finish lessons until I realized our internet was not going to permit that.
These past two days of school seem so long but they have gone so fast. I went to school early on Tuesday to use the internet only to discover that the internet was down there as well. I really enjoyed being at school much earlier and just being able to mentally prepare myself for the day. I might end up being an early-bird teacher next year as long as I can drag myself out of bed. The rest of the past two days have been spent in the normal routine.
Today my girls brought up the hillbilly questions again and this time they gave me a list of questions for homework to answer. I have also been getting "tipped" by one of my girls and am pretty sure I'm up to at least $.30 so far! I want to see how much I collect from her by the end of the year. I should probably do something nice with it like give it to charity. ha ha.
I almost forgot to tell you that I was able to meet with the Director of Campus Ministry at the Catholic campus center I've been going to Mass at. I met with him yesterday and left feeling more than relieved. Even though he's only been at Barry (the college) for about two weeks, he has high aspirations for what he wants to accomplish. I could just feel God working through him and he was so genuine on wanting to help me in my own faith journey. He offered to do whatever he could as long as I am here and invited me to come to any event they are hosting. He gave me a few spiritual readings that I think I will really benefit from. One of them is a reflection that I will start doing each day--focusing on the positives and how God has worked through me that day and then looking at what was not so great and how I would change it for the next day. He also gave me a book by St. Ignatius that I am excited to read. It was such a huge relief and really strong moment for me knowing that God was completely working in that moment because Tony (the director) did not have to come up to me after Mass or continue reaching out to me. God really wanted me to work on my own individual faith these past 5-6 months because He knows how blessed I was to have a community right there all my life. Even if I do not get extremely involved, I know that this will be a good influence on my life down here and that God will be there each step of the way.
I have been making treats most of the evening for Julissa's birthday tomorrow. I forgot how time consuming baking can be sometimes. We also finally were able to get our internet fixed, not that it affected any of you a whole lot but I can finally do school work at the apartment again. I have to go finish the cupcakes but have a great second half of your week. I can't believe January is already halfway over! Where has this month gone?
Good night and have a peaceful day!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Earthquake Anniversary
Today was the 2 year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti. Thinking back to two years ago, I was a junior and preparing for Block 1 and the busy semester I had ahead of me. I was also a RA and many of the floors were raising money and collecting donations for the disaster relief. I remember thinking about how sad it was but I never thought I would feel the direct impact of it. It was very selfish thinking and I prayed for all the victims but that was about it. Two years later, my heart hurt so much sitting and listening to the students that survived the earthquake.
We started school with Mass this morning and I knew it would be very somber. Patricia and I talked about it yesterday on the way home from school and she knew of people that had died but no one that she was extremely close to. None of my students were survivors but after sitting in Mass today, I realized how many were impacted by what had happened. The parish priest had to go back to Haiti today so he could continue work on the clinic he is trying to build down there so we had a different priest at Mass today. I enjoyed how he started out his homily by saying, "It's not what we have in our lives but who we have in our lives." I felt like that really spoke to the students and helped them see that we need God in our lives even in the darkest of moments. He continued his homily and for me, it went on a downward spiral. He proceeded to say that if the government had built stronger buildings, not as many people would have died. Then he said that they were "stupid deaths" and I became very shocked. One of my boys who is very emotional and was already crying, became even more upset at this comment. I do not think any death is stupid and unfortunately, Haiti is a very poor country so even if the government were in different hands or what have you, that might not have changed how the buildings were built. I just felt his comment hurt many of the students who have experienced lots of grief and pain because of the disaster. We also had the preschoolers in Mass today and that word is definitely not in their vocabulary.
Following Mass, three eighth grade girls who survived the earthquake wrote a reflection about their life since that day and shared it with the school. Only one of the girls was actually able to read what she had written but I could hear the pain in her voice. They all mentioned how confused they were that day, two of them having lost their fathers that day, and having to move to the United States days after the disaster. My heart sunk more and more as their reflections were read. I could not even fathom what they have experienced. As I looked to my students and saw their tears flowing, my eyes started to water up even more. I felt so connected and yet disconnected at the same time. There was a blessing said over all the students that were survivors and I would say that at least 15 students were up on the altar.
Mass and the Haiti memorial took about 2 hours so most of our morning was gone. I thought that the rest of the day would be quite calm but it seemed to be the very opposite. I had a very frustrating day with the class. They had been sitting for so long that I knew they would be a bit stir-crazy but it seemed extreme today. I was just ready for lunch because I did not feel like I was going to be able to get anything accomplished in the 30 minutes beforehand. The afternoon did not go much better and I reached a very high frustration point where some not so nice thoughts went through my head about not coming back. I never said anything and prayed for patience in those moments many times. We made it to the end of the day though.
One of the fourth graders melted me a little today after school during homework help. He struggles in math so I tend to work one-on-one with him whenever I can. We were working on division and he asked me if my parents and sister were coming down here next year or if I was going back to Kansas. I told him I was probably going back to Kansas and he looked very sad. I couldn't help but feel bad for my angry thoughts earlier and I know when it comes time to tell my class, that I will have a hard time explaining it to them. After a long conversation with Julia tonight, she helped remind me to not feel guilty when it comes time to leave or telling anyone because my contract is just for a year and I never planned on staying longer than that.
Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness! After this week, I definitely feel like the 3-day weekend is needed. I'm not leaving til Saturday to go up to the Orlando area for service work and then over to Tampa for the rest of the time. I'm saying prayers that tomorrow will be better than today but not forgetting what the priest said in Mass today, "It's not what you have in your life but who you have." I'm very grateful for everyone in my life.
We started school with Mass this morning and I knew it would be very somber. Patricia and I talked about it yesterday on the way home from school and she knew of people that had died but no one that she was extremely close to. None of my students were survivors but after sitting in Mass today, I realized how many were impacted by what had happened. The parish priest had to go back to Haiti today so he could continue work on the clinic he is trying to build down there so we had a different priest at Mass today. I enjoyed how he started out his homily by saying, "It's not what we have in our lives but who we have in our lives." I felt like that really spoke to the students and helped them see that we need God in our lives even in the darkest of moments. He continued his homily and for me, it went on a downward spiral. He proceeded to say that if the government had built stronger buildings, not as many people would have died. Then he said that they were "stupid deaths" and I became very shocked. One of my boys who is very emotional and was already crying, became even more upset at this comment. I do not think any death is stupid and unfortunately, Haiti is a very poor country so even if the government were in different hands or what have you, that might not have changed how the buildings were built. I just felt his comment hurt many of the students who have experienced lots of grief and pain because of the disaster. We also had the preschoolers in Mass today and that word is definitely not in their vocabulary.
Following Mass, three eighth grade girls who survived the earthquake wrote a reflection about their life since that day and shared it with the school. Only one of the girls was actually able to read what she had written but I could hear the pain in her voice. They all mentioned how confused they were that day, two of them having lost their fathers that day, and having to move to the United States days after the disaster. My heart sunk more and more as their reflections were read. I could not even fathom what they have experienced. As I looked to my students and saw their tears flowing, my eyes started to water up even more. I felt so connected and yet disconnected at the same time. There was a blessing said over all the students that were survivors and I would say that at least 15 students were up on the altar.
Mass and the Haiti memorial took about 2 hours so most of our morning was gone. I thought that the rest of the day would be quite calm but it seemed to be the very opposite. I had a very frustrating day with the class. They had been sitting for so long that I knew they would be a bit stir-crazy but it seemed extreme today. I was just ready for lunch because I did not feel like I was going to be able to get anything accomplished in the 30 minutes beforehand. The afternoon did not go much better and I reached a very high frustration point where some not so nice thoughts went through my head about not coming back. I never said anything and prayed for patience in those moments many times. We made it to the end of the day though.
One of the fourth graders melted me a little today after school during homework help. He struggles in math so I tend to work one-on-one with him whenever I can. We were working on division and he asked me if my parents and sister were coming down here next year or if I was going back to Kansas. I told him I was probably going back to Kansas and he looked very sad. I couldn't help but feel bad for my angry thoughts earlier and I know when it comes time to tell my class, that I will have a hard time explaining it to them. After a long conversation with Julia tonight, she helped remind me to not feel guilty when it comes time to leave or telling anyone because my contract is just for a year and I never planned on staying longer than that.
Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness! After this week, I definitely feel like the 3-day weekend is needed. I'm not leaving til Saturday to go up to the Orlando area for service work and then over to Tampa for the rest of the time. I'm saying prayers that tomorrow will be better than today but not forgetting what the priest said in Mass today, "It's not what you have in your life but who you have." I'm very grateful for everyone in my life.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Bridesmaids and Bullying
When I logged on to start writing tonight, I forgot that I switched the font and all sorts of things on my blog! Anyway, these past two days have been busy at school! I am really trying to focus on writing with the whole class and catch them up to where they should be. Many of them still cannot write complete sentences on their own! We have lots to work on, including getting them to enjoy writing! They dread it every time I say writing but I'm convinced I will get them to enjoy it by the end of the year. I think they do not enjoy it right now because they are actually having to work and getting corrected when they make mistakes.
More on writing later. This morning, one of my girls came up to me with a question. It was in the middle of their French class so I wasn't sure what she was going to ask and what came out was definitely not close to my own thoughts. She said, "Ms. Halstead, can the girls at my table and I be bridesmaids in your wedding?" ha ha! Did you know I'm getting married and sorry friends and sisters, my 7 year olds want to be my bridesmaids! I could not help but laugh and went to tell Julissa who laughed as well. After school, I asked one of the girls what color their dresses were going to be and she said that she was a flower-girl so white, of course. She told me where I was getting married but that I get to pick my future husband and when we get married. How lucky for me!
During tutoring after school, one of my second grade boys was too shy to ask a fourth grade girl to move so he could get into his desk so I had to do it for him. I could not help but laugh and the fourth grade girls giggled. Later though, he started asking me about having a boyfriend. This is a weekly topic for them yet I assure them that I will tell them when I get a boyfriend. He asked, "Ms. Halstead are you going to date a black man...or a white man?" Once again, I laughed and said, "I have no idea! Do you have anyone to set me up with?" He informed me that there are lots of boys in the school (meaning all the students!) but I said they are way too young! He offered the PE teacher (the only white, male teacher that is there everyday) for me but I informed him Coach has a girlfriend. He gave up after that. I am pretty sure my students are dead-set on finding me a husband or at least boyfriend by the end of the school year! God's the only real holder of that information and that's okay with me.
My day was not all about future weddings though. I did encounter a bullying issue today that was very hurtful for two girls. A mean picture had been drawn, mean words had been said, and tears flowed from two sets of eyes. The hard part about this school is that they have been together since kindergarten if not before in the Early Learning Center. Even in third grade, they still hold grudges from first grade! As a teacher, I suppose that's the downside of working in a smaller school. Regardless, we sat outside and talked for awhile about how to handle situations where a friend is saying something mean to them. We were able to get lots of bottled up feelings out in the open and eventually all was well again. They both apologized for the hurtful things they had done to the other and were friends once again. As we talked about bullying though, neither realized that bullying does not just have to be hitting someone. I explained that there is emotional bullying with words and their eyes got wide. By no means do I think I changed them forever but I feel good about the fact that at least I made them aware and hopefully they will spread that to their friends in the room. I wish I could prevent all the mean and hurtful comments from coming out but they are 7-9 so no matter how hard I try, unkind words will still be said and feelings will still be hurt. That's the life of a teacher though and anyone that works with children (and adults somedays).
My evening has been spent unpacking a box from home, organizing, working out, and eventually grading math tests from today. This weekend I am going to Tampa to go watch a friend play football and can't wait to see him as well as my friend Cristina and her roommate Candace! Keep Cristina in your prayers for me, though. She's been having really awful allergic reactions for about a week and is going to have some testing done so fingers crossed they figure out what's going on. I'm feeling super thankful tonight for everything and everyone in my life so thank you for being a part of it! I really should go grade my tests but I hope you have a great day on whatever day you read this!
More on writing later. This morning, one of my girls came up to me with a question. It was in the middle of their French class so I wasn't sure what she was going to ask and what came out was definitely not close to my own thoughts. She said, "Ms. Halstead, can the girls at my table and I be bridesmaids in your wedding?" ha ha! Did you know I'm getting married and sorry friends and sisters, my 7 year olds want to be my bridesmaids! I could not help but laugh and went to tell Julissa who laughed as well. After school, I asked one of the girls what color their dresses were going to be and she said that she was a flower-girl so white, of course. She told me where I was getting married but that I get to pick my future husband and when we get married. How lucky for me!
During tutoring after school, one of my second grade boys was too shy to ask a fourth grade girl to move so he could get into his desk so I had to do it for him. I could not help but laugh and the fourth grade girls giggled. Later though, he started asking me about having a boyfriend. This is a weekly topic for them yet I assure them that I will tell them when I get a boyfriend. He asked, "Ms. Halstead are you going to date a black man...or a white man?" Once again, I laughed and said, "I have no idea! Do you have anyone to set me up with?" He informed me that there are lots of boys in the school (meaning all the students!) but I said they are way too young! He offered the PE teacher (the only white, male teacher that is there everyday) for me but I informed him Coach has a girlfriend. He gave up after that. I am pretty sure my students are dead-set on finding me a husband or at least boyfriend by the end of the school year! God's the only real holder of that information and that's okay with me.
My day was not all about future weddings though. I did encounter a bullying issue today that was very hurtful for two girls. A mean picture had been drawn, mean words had been said, and tears flowed from two sets of eyes. The hard part about this school is that they have been together since kindergarten if not before in the Early Learning Center. Even in third grade, they still hold grudges from first grade! As a teacher, I suppose that's the downside of working in a smaller school. Regardless, we sat outside and talked for awhile about how to handle situations where a friend is saying something mean to them. We were able to get lots of bottled up feelings out in the open and eventually all was well again. They both apologized for the hurtful things they had done to the other and were friends once again. As we talked about bullying though, neither realized that bullying does not just have to be hitting someone. I explained that there is emotional bullying with words and their eyes got wide. By no means do I think I changed them forever but I feel good about the fact that at least I made them aware and hopefully they will spread that to their friends in the room. I wish I could prevent all the mean and hurtful comments from coming out but they are 7-9 so no matter how hard I try, unkind words will still be said and feelings will still be hurt. That's the life of a teacher though and anyone that works with children (and adults somedays).
My evening has been spent unpacking a box from home, organizing, working out, and eventually grading math tests from today. This weekend I am going to Tampa to go watch a friend play football and can't wait to see him as well as my friend Cristina and her roommate Candace! Keep Cristina in your prayers for me, though. She's been having really awful allergic reactions for about a week and is going to have some testing done so fingers crossed they figure out what's going on. I'm feeling super thankful tonight for everything and everyone in my life so thank you for being a part of it! I really should go grade my tests but I hope you have a great day on whatever day you read this!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Why Me
I guess I need to add to my New Year's resolutions and include writing on my blog. I guess I just haven't fully gotten into the swing of things yet. This past week at school has been full of ups and downs. I had a day where two of my 2nd graders had a vent session to me about why they don't like me and why I'm a bad teacher. These two boys are much higher learners than the rest of their classmates but their maturity level can be very low at times. We have our good days and not as good days together. While they were complaining to me, I had to remind myself that they are only 7 or 8 and that I'm really not that horrible of a teacher. I also had to remind myself and tell them that I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on. They did not seem to understand but it made me feel better. Several of my students have been very uplifting though. I had a 2nd grade girl that is so sweet and always knows the perfect moment to give me a hug. I will miss all of my students because they are my first real class of students but those particularly kind students that are always bringing positive energy to the room are the ones I will miss the most. I still have not decided when the perfect moment is to tell my principal and Julissa that I will not be staying next year. It seems like there is never a calm moment but God will present the right time to me. I just have to be patient.
Speaking of patience, since coming back, I have started running again. I have run around 3 miles everyday since I've been back and it feels really good except that I wish my time was better. My friend Cristina and I are training to do a race in the next few months and I want to be happy with my time. I get really impatient when I start working out and running because like anything in life, I like knowing or seeing results right away. I always want to know what's next and pretty much wish I could see the future. Too bad I don't have that ability. It's probably a good thing though. Anyway, back to running, I have come back sore each day but I know it will be well worth it. I just need to keep my motivation up and a consistent schedule of running.
Besides running this past week, the girls and I have been playing catch-up since we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks. Wednesday, Amanda cooked dinner for us and it was really good but extremely spicy. So spicy that I had to get out the sherbet and we all ate some in between bites to cleanse our palates. We had lots of laughs and shared about our breaks that night. Friday night, since the Cotton Bowl was on, I made the girls "Kansas" food which included barbeque chicken and coleslaw. Nothing super fancy but delicious and then they watched half of the football game with me. I'm very appreciative of nights like that because I can just sit and share things about home with them. I told them I have a friend/old co-worker on the team and just kind of give them a little background about home. I think that's one major difference between the two of them and I. I have lived in Kansas all my life and that's where my heart is, no doubt. Amanda was born and raised in Tampa but her mom now lives in Virginia and she went to college in Philly. Patricia was born in Haiti and has only lived in the USA for 8 years now. The two of them still aren't sure what they consider home because they have several 'homes'. I guess that's one reason why it's easier for me to know that I'm supposed to go back to Kansas--because it's the only home I've known. There obviously pros and cons to every situation but I'm very grateful to call Kansas home. God blessed me with a great life there growing up and loving people to come home to each time.
Now to the title of my post--why me? This was the theme of the homily today. As I was driving to Mass, I was a little down because I was going alone again. I had gone to Mass with my family every weekend I was home and it was so comforting to be surrounded by so many familiar faces. I got to the church early and took that time to reflect on the week and different situations in my life. I was grateful to be in church but still struggling with a few things so by the homily, I was ready for something eye-opening. He asked, "How often do we ask God 'why me?' when something goes wrong instead of asking God, 'why me?' when we see all the blessings all around us?" That struck right to my heart. I do not believe I am the most pessimistic person but I certainly have my moments where I focus on the struggles instead of the joys in my life. We finished Mass and I was feeling a little better about things I'd been praying about when a man came up to me, asked my name, and if I was a student. I told him what I was doing down here and he told me he was the new director of the campus ministry. I felt like that was such a sign for me. I was so involved with Didde in college that not being involved in a church down here has been strange and almost made me feel empty. I greatly miss having a church community and I feel like him coming up to me was God's way of saying He's going to fix that. Getting involved in a new church down here was on my bucket list for the year so I think maybe I will get to check it off after all!
To be a bit mean, I spent the day on the balcony writing lesson plans and I think I might have gotten some color because the sun was so warm! A teacher's work is never done it seems so I have to go for the night but I challenge you this week to ask why you were given all the blessings and joys in your life instead of the few things that might go wrong every now and then. Remember, it's all according to His plans!
"Trust in the Lord with all your house, do not rely on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
Speaking of patience, since coming back, I have started running again. I have run around 3 miles everyday since I've been back and it feels really good except that I wish my time was better. My friend Cristina and I are training to do a race in the next few months and I want to be happy with my time. I get really impatient when I start working out and running because like anything in life, I like knowing or seeing results right away. I always want to know what's next and pretty much wish I could see the future. Too bad I don't have that ability. It's probably a good thing though. Anyway, back to running, I have come back sore each day but I know it will be well worth it. I just need to keep my motivation up and a consistent schedule of running.
Besides running this past week, the girls and I have been playing catch-up since we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks. Wednesday, Amanda cooked dinner for us and it was really good but extremely spicy. So spicy that I had to get out the sherbet and we all ate some in between bites to cleanse our palates. We had lots of laughs and shared about our breaks that night. Friday night, since the Cotton Bowl was on, I made the girls "Kansas" food which included barbeque chicken and coleslaw. Nothing super fancy but delicious and then they watched half of the football game with me. I'm very appreciative of nights like that because I can just sit and share things about home with them. I told them I have a friend/old co-worker on the team and just kind of give them a little background about home. I think that's one major difference between the two of them and I. I have lived in Kansas all my life and that's where my heart is, no doubt. Amanda was born and raised in Tampa but her mom now lives in Virginia and she went to college in Philly. Patricia was born in Haiti and has only lived in the USA for 8 years now. The two of them still aren't sure what they consider home because they have several 'homes'. I guess that's one reason why it's easier for me to know that I'm supposed to go back to Kansas--because it's the only home I've known. There obviously pros and cons to every situation but I'm very grateful to call Kansas home. God blessed me with a great life there growing up and loving people to come home to each time.
Now to the title of my post--why me? This was the theme of the homily today. As I was driving to Mass, I was a little down because I was going alone again. I had gone to Mass with my family every weekend I was home and it was so comforting to be surrounded by so many familiar faces. I got to the church early and took that time to reflect on the week and different situations in my life. I was grateful to be in church but still struggling with a few things so by the homily, I was ready for something eye-opening. He asked, "How often do we ask God 'why me?' when something goes wrong instead of asking God, 'why me?' when we see all the blessings all around us?" That struck right to my heart. I do not believe I am the most pessimistic person but I certainly have my moments where I focus on the struggles instead of the joys in my life. We finished Mass and I was feeling a little better about things I'd been praying about when a man came up to me, asked my name, and if I was a student. I told him what I was doing down here and he told me he was the new director of the campus ministry. I felt like that was such a sign for me. I was so involved with Didde in college that not being involved in a church down here has been strange and almost made me feel empty. I greatly miss having a church community and I feel like him coming up to me was God's way of saying He's going to fix that. Getting involved in a new church down here was on my bucket list for the year so I think maybe I will get to check it off after all!
To be a bit mean, I spent the day on the balcony writing lesson plans and I think I might have gotten some color because the sun was so warm! A teacher's work is never done it seems so I have to go for the night but I challenge you this week to ask why you were given all the blessings and joys in your life instead of the few things that might go wrong every now and then. Remember, it's all according to His plans!
"Trust in the Lord with all your house, do not rely on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Everything Happens for a Reason
After a chaotic day in the airports, I finally made it back to Hollywood. My flight did not end up leaving Wichita until 3:45. I was supposed to meet my connecting flight out of Atlanta at 5:40 and that definitely was not going to happen. My flight from Atlanta got switched to the latest flight out at 9 PM but I did get upgraded to first class! We finally made it to Atlanta but there were a group of college students from Bethel that were trying to make a flight out of the country so they piled off first. I was in no real rush after that. I maneuvered my way through the airport to my next gate. I was supposed to get meal vouchers but the line at the customer service area was super long so I abandoned that idea. We finally boarded the plane around 8:30 and I was a high roller for about 2 hours! With all the craziness of the flights throughout the day, I am actually really grateful it ended up that way. On my way to Ft. Lauderdale, I ended up sitting in the front row next to a girl a few years older than me that just moved down to Ft. Lauderdale in November. We were able to talk and relate pretty well. I was secretly excited because I thought, "I finally made a friend!" We both watched our tvs during most of the flight (I enjoyed my complimentary wine by the way. I had to soak up the first class experience.) but at the end, exchanged numbers and hopefully we can hang out a few times! She seems very laid back like me and hasn't met very many people down here either. While I was waiting for Patricia to pick me up, I was reminded by God that He does everything for a reason. While I wasn't in a rush to get back to Florida, I did have things to get done but God decided that I needed to take a different route.
I was having a conversation with someone while I was home about how much of a planner I am. I want to know the future constantly. I would love to know where and what I'll be teaching come August but I have to let go of my own plans. It's not my plan that wins--it's God's. I guess it all leads back to the heading of my blog. "Do not be afraid, just have faith."
It's time to finish planning for the week but I hope your first week of 2012 is off to a peaceful start!
I was having a conversation with someone while I was home about how much of a planner I am. I want to know the future constantly. I would love to know where and what I'll be teaching come August but I have to let go of my own plans. It's not my plan that wins--it's God's. I guess it all leads back to the heading of my blog. "Do not be afraid, just have faith."
It's time to finish planning for the week but I hope your first week of 2012 is off to a peaceful start!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Finish What You Start
After a frazzled morning where I almost canceled my flight, it's time to go back to eternal summer AKA Miami. I'm here waiting in the airport in Wichita mentally preparing myself for the school week ahead. It's finally hitting that Wichita is not home for the year. I realize that I have lived in Miami for over 5 months now but after coming home, running around trying to visit friends and family, I've finally accepted that my job for this school year has been to make my own life in Miami. I do not think I've done a terrible job so far but I don't think that I've done fantastic either.
The first 5 months were really a struggle. I struggled to get my grounds as a teacher, feel comfortable in a brand new city thousands of miles from home, put more trust in God and stop relying on my own plans, and just feel confident in myself as a young woman all together. As people started asking what my experience has been like so far, I started describing it as a roller coaster. That's not to say that I've had a horrible experience so far but I think at times I let myself dwell on the rough spots more than the positives. I have been very lucky and fortunate throughout this adventure. I have two great roommates, that while we may not be best friends yet, I do consider them sources of comfort down there. It's sometimes easier for me to hold my struggles in because I do not want to be a burden or complain too much but I feel very proud of myself for opening up to them.
I have also been blessed with students who are continually teaching me each day. While I do have many stressful days with them, I have also had the chance to grow because of them. First year teachers never have it easy. It's supposed to be rough but there are also going to be those great moments when you remember why you wanted to teach. While it might be easier to teach back in Kansas, I've also been able to experience more because I have to do it on my own. My students might not always have much in terms of possessions and things which reminds me to be grateful for what I have. There is always someone that has less than you. My students are always blissfully happy (most days I should say) because some of them don't realize that there is more they could have. They are happy with what is given to them. Their parents work hard to put food on the table and give them an education. When I was their age, I thought everyone was given that. Down here, that's not the case.
I'm so glad I was able to come home and see my family this Christmas. I knew how good I had it before I left. I was surrounded by a family and friends who loved and supported me unconditionally. They pushed me to be a better person each day whether that was being a better teacher, friend, daughter, sister, Catholic. I had life easy at home which is why I knew I had to leave. Leaving is the hardest but I have grown so much because of this choice. Coming home was amazing and I had a great 2 weeks back in Kansas. My heart is definitely still there and I will be looking for jobs back in the state once my year of service down here is over but it's time to finish what I started. I dreaded leaving Kansas but that was only because it was easy at home. It's easy to be a place where I know everyone, know the area, and my faith feels much stronger when I'm home but God did not send me somewhere where it was supposed to be easy. School will probably be a bit rocky this week because students never want to go back to school after Christmas break. I will probably struggle getting back into my routine down there and definitely feel a bit homesick at times but there are lots of adventures to be had still. I have more struggles to get through but also numerous memories to make. God has lots of plans up His sleeve still. I have a few goals that I want to reach:
~Be a better teacher these next 5 months. I want to be more patient with them and make sure they really enjoy school.
~Go on more adventures and really take time to enjoy the fact that I live in FLORIDA! I have gone and traveled the first 5 months but as it starts to get warmer again, I better take advantage of it.
~Compete in a race with my friend Cristina. We are looking at running at least a 5K but I'm starting to consider maybe running a half marathon by the end of 2012. It takes a lot of dedication and training but I think I could really do it. If anyone would like to take up this challenge with me, I welcome you!
~Pray more for what God wants for me and stop focusing on what I want for myself. This especially holds true as I start to apply for teaching jobs for the 2012-2013 school year. I have no idea where I want to teach much less what grade so listening to God will be a key factor for me.
I might update more later but I need to let my laptop charge before we board in an hour. Pray for safe travels for all those traveling over the next few weeks. I'm sure the airports are going to be madness.
Love and serenity,
Lauren
The first 5 months were really a struggle. I struggled to get my grounds as a teacher, feel comfortable in a brand new city thousands of miles from home, put more trust in God and stop relying on my own plans, and just feel confident in myself as a young woman all together. As people started asking what my experience has been like so far, I started describing it as a roller coaster. That's not to say that I've had a horrible experience so far but I think at times I let myself dwell on the rough spots more than the positives. I have been very lucky and fortunate throughout this adventure. I have two great roommates, that while we may not be best friends yet, I do consider them sources of comfort down there. It's sometimes easier for me to hold my struggles in because I do not want to be a burden or complain too much but I feel very proud of myself for opening up to them.
I have also been blessed with students who are continually teaching me each day. While I do have many stressful days with them, I have also had the chance to grow because of them. First year teachers never have it easy. It's supposed to be rough but there are also going to be those great moments when you remember why you wanted to teach. While it might be easier to teach back in Kansas, I've also been able to experience more because I have to do it on my own. My students might not always have much in terms of possessions and things which reminds me to be grateful for what I have. There is always someone that has less than you. My students are always blissfully happy (most days I should say) because some of them don't realize that there is more they could have. They are happy with what is given to them. Their parents work hard to put food on the table and give them an education. When I was their age, I thought everyone was given that. Down here, that's not the case.
I'm so glad I was able to come home and see my family this Christmas. I knew how good I had it before I left. I was surrounded by a family and friends who loved and supported me unconditionally. They pushed me to be a better person each day whether that was being a better teacher, friend, daughter, sister, Catholic. I had life easy at home which is why I knew I had to leave. Leaving is the hardest but I have grown so much because of this choice. Coming home was amazing and I had a great 2 weeks back in Kansas. My heart is definitely still there and I will be looking for jobs back in the state once my year of service down here is over but it's time to finish what I started. I dreaded leaving Kansas but that was only because it was easy at home. It's easy to be a place where I know everyone, know the area, and my faith feels much stronger when I'm home but God did not send me somewhere where it was supposed to be easy. School will probably be a bit rocky this week because students never want to go back to school after Christmas break. I will probably struggle getting back into my routine down there and definitely feel a bit homesick at times but there are lots of adventures to be had still. I have more struggles to get through but also numerous memories to make. God has lots of plans up His sleeve still. I have a few goals that I want to reach:
~Be a better teacher these next 5 months. I want to be more patient with them and make sure they really enjoy school.
~Go on more adventures and really take time to enjoy the fact that I live in FLORIDA! I have gone and traveled the first 5 months but as it starts to get warmer again, I better take advantage of it.
~Compete in a race with my friend Cristina. We are looking at running at least a 5K but I'm starting to consider maybe running a half marathon by the end of 2012. It takes a lot of dedication and training but I think I could really do it. If anyone would like to take up this challenge with me, I welcome you!
~Pray more for what God wants for me and stop focusing on what I want for myself. This especially holds true as I start to apply for teaching jobs for the 2012-2013 school year. I have no idea where I want to teach much less what grade so listening to God will be a key factor for me.
I might update more later but I need to let my laptop charge before we board in an hour. Pray for safe travels for all those traveling over the next few weeks. I'm sure the airports are going to be madness.
Love and serenity,
Lauren
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