Then and Now

This past weekend I successfully flew into Wichita, after an interesting change in my flight schedule and evacuating the airport for a few hours on Friday, and surprised my little sister for her high school graduation! It was a fantastic weekend at home complete with family time, a bachelorette party, and seeing my good friend that was in the hospital and now engaged! While I was home though, everyone was settling in for summer and finishing up school.  As people started to ask me when I was done with school and moving back, my feelings of jealousy started to grow stronger because we still have 2 and a half weeks of school left.  My mind then drifts to what my routine for the past 4 summers...starting training for camp.  I would be rejoined with my summer family who consumes all my time but makes my summer so enjoyable and memorable.  When I was making my decision to join the program, I truly hesitated because I did not want to have to leave my summer family.  Each summer I have spent out there gets better and better.  I guess it's time to stop being selfish though and let some new people become part of the family out there. 

The class was especially unruly today but we made sure and talked to parents so that they are aware.  I hope that helps me for tomorrow because my co-teacher will be gone tomorrow and Thursday.  At this time of the year, I will take all the help I can get.  One of my boys that is especially difficult asked me today why I had to leave and that he wanted me to stay.  I was feeling a bit tired when he said that but it made me stop and really think. I knew that he meant it because he'd had a rough day so at that point, I did not expect that to come out of his mouth.  I have been praying a lot lately for me to have extra patience with my class and to also enjoy these last few weeks with them.  Although they will be crazy and some days I will probably be ready for school to end, I know I will regret it later if I am constantly letting myself be frustrated and upset with them.  Coming back this time was not sad or hard at all but I just knew these last few weeks could be potentially really long because their behavior could slowly decline.  I will keep my head up though.  I just need to remind myself that I came to serve, through the good and the not as good times of the school year.

I'm saying my prayers tonight that my class and I have a good day together tomorrow and Thursday. I will also be keeping everyone that is finishing up school this week, teachers, students, staff, etc. in my prayers as they finish up their year and prepare for summer.  I hope God leads them to fun but safe adventures and memories.   

Irony

Before I start, do not be alarmed but this morning there was shooting next to the school right as school was starting.  None of our students were hurt or affected in any way.  We went on lockdown for about 20 minutes but still went on with our normal school day.  I have never felt safer in that school.  I knew it was close and my students had their own stories about what they saw as they arrived but I knew God was keeping our school safe, as well as the police officers that immediately surrounded our perimeter.  The situation was over quickly and we said a prayer for all those involved.  While this is not necessarily a positive remark, as far as irony goes, our assistant principal was talking to us at Panera on Friday about the numerous times her previous school down here had gone on lockdown because it was in such a rough neighborhood.  I do not think my school is in the safest neighborhood but I've never felt in danger.

On the subject of irony, last night I was reading our new "book club" book that the program gives us to read in between each retreat.  This book, "How Coffee Saved My Life And Other Stories of Stumbling to Grace", is about a girl who went down to Uruguay to serve as part of a volunteer program and all of her experiences throughout her time.  I am only 10 pages in but I find her so relatable in how she has depicted the beginning of her service.  Her time before she left was much more strenuous than mine, including losing a friend to cancer, but the way she words it just seems to fit me so well.  I wish I could have written my story as well as she has written hers, and maybe one day I will, but for now, here's an excerpt from a journal entry in her book,

"October 7
I wanted to listen and learn in hopes of returning a more grounded, intelligent, worldly woman who is also a hopeful, relevant, responsible, and sensitive citizen of the world. I wanted to sneak past that coastal guard and work my spoiled butt off for justice and human rights while being gently, ever so gracefully presented with a different way of life.  And by all means, I wanted to leave room for my imperfections."

To close for the night, I read a really neat article about how Chef Mario Batali cut back his family's food allowance for a month and lived off what those who receive food stamps would be able to buy.  I do not really know much about the food stamp program but I read they are considering cutting some of its costs.  Personally, I think of my own students and how some of them might be on food stamps or at least have very little to eat.  I really admire that Chef Batali chose to take on that challenge and step into someone else's shoes and open himself up to simpler living.  We are far from food stamps this year but we have had to cut back on what we might normally buy at the grocery store.  I think everyone could benefit from looking at what they buy at the grocery store as a want versus a need.

Unorganized Mind

Sometimes I think I have too many thoughts but am not as good at expressing them as I like to think or am very unorganized when I do so please do not criticize too much if this a little out of order.  All week I have been attempting to write my testimony that I mentioned last time.  I have finished writing it but am not quite satisfied.  I have had so much happen this past week but have just been in a slump I suppose.  Today in Mass, the homily was about how we have all these materials because we think that is what is going to make us happy but yet, we still want more.  We buy more and more because that's what is going to fulfill us.  Now I obviously am not out to buy my happiness because I joined a volunteer program in order to simplify my life.  I do think I have become ungrateful for what I have at times though, even if I do not say it.  This past week at school was fast and many of my students are doing well.  It's the end of the school year so they are a little more rambunctious but overall, they are pretty normal.  One of them even wrote a biography about me saying she is my lucky charm and how much I will be missed.  I love the joy my students bring me and Julissa and I have really been enjoying our days together, more than normal it seems.  So maybe it's not school that has me in a slump.  I think that it is the fact that all my friends and baby sister are graduating and I haven't or won't be there to watch any of them walk across the stage.  Many of them were there for my high school and/or college graduation, sharing in my big moment, so not being back to celebrate with them is hard on me.  I even watched the live stream of ESU's graduation yesterday morning and cheered proudly for all my friends that walked across the stage.  Madelyn said I was crazy for doing that but that was the only way I was going to feel connected to them at all at that moment.  I had plenty to keep my mind occupied but yet I could not help but feel down for not being back for everyone's graduations. 

On Thursday night, Patricia won tickets on the radio to the Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, and Thompson Square concert in Palm Beach so after the excitement calmed down. We enjoyed our evening and I was able to sleep in on Friday a little bit.  We had teacher in-service which consisted of a 2 hour meeting and then myself, Patricia, Julissa, and another teacher went for lunch at Panera.  It was nice to spend some time with them outside school and relax on our day off.  Patricia and I went to pick up the tickets after and had ourselves a little adventure.  We were still going off our energy from the night before so were having ourselves a great time in the car.  Saturday, after I watched the graduation, I kept writing my testimony and really couldn't tell you what I did the rest of the day until I got ready for the concert.  We headed up to Palm Beach, only about an hour away, and soaked up the concert atmosphere.  The concert was at an ampitheater and our tickets were for the lawn so we grabbed our chairs and found a spot.  It reminded me of the Riverfest and felt like home.  The concert was perfect.  Each artist was unique but like most of country music, their songs always made a connection with me.  Patricia even said she's going to have to start downloading some new songs because she enjoyed it so much.  After the concert was over, I went back to the apartment and soaked up the day's events.  I found my mind wishing that I was back in Kansas again with my newly graduated friends.  How selfish am I sometimes? I went to a fantastic concert for free and I'm still wishing for something more. 

I'm so glad the homily today was about being grateful for what you God has given me. I've not had a horrible life down here at all, especially compared to the lives of some of my students.  I need to be grateful for the people that are with me in this moment because my time with them is getting shorter.

Also, it's Mother's Day so just another reason I wish I was back home but I think my mom and grandmas know that.  I love them very much and cannot begin to talk about how grateful I am for all their love and support throughout this year. God has been so good to me. 

Putting It Into Words

This past week has been an emotional roller-coaster with my friend being in the hospital but thanks to all the prayers, she is doing much better and hopes to be released tomorrow! Thank you for all the prayers you sent up for her and her family.  Amidst all of that, our executive director asked us to submit a story and photo to the Catholic Volunteer Network (where I set up my profile and how CVIF found me) about our year of service in terms of faith, community, simple living, or social justice.  If my story/testimony wins the competition, it will be published on their website and in their RESPONSE directory of volunteer programs.  I have two months left down here and only one month left with my class.  I have yet to be able to really summarize and put into words what this year has done for me. I know that my story will be about faith but as I start to write it, I am definitely struggling with what to write.  This year has become so important to me in so many ways so I want to keep writing my testimony about it but I just keep rewriting it and starting over.  I need to just give it up to God and it will flow perfectly but I really want others to hear about how life changing an experience like this can be.  If you really surrender everything you have and put it into God's hands, He will take care of you.  Personally, I used to have a big trust issue with letting God have control of my life but in reality, I've never had control of my own life.  A good friend of mine had to remind me of that last week when my friend was in the hospital.  I just wish I could really let people of all ages around the country know that it's okay to take a chance.  God is not ever going to put us in danger.  It might be scary but that's only because we do not know what's coming next.  That's why we need to have faith.  “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” (Heb. 11:1)  


That is the Bible verse I have opened my story with and I am hoping that as I continue to write, this verse provides me with more inspiration and that the Spirit guides my writing.  


I'm saying extra prayers for all those graduating and ending their school years this week.  It's mind-boggling to think that just over a year ago, I was graduating from ESU and how much has happened since.  Lifting up prayers for everyone, as always.