Voiceless

So I woke up this morning in hopes that my voice would be back in full working order but God had other plans.  I walked in to school and greeted the sisters with a squeaky "good morning" waiting for their reactions following.  They said they appreciated me coming in and would try to find someone else to come help me during the day.  I went up to the classroom to get ready for the day, trying not to be nervous about how it would go being alone and barely having a voice.  One of my students was up by the classroom already so he came and helped me for a little bit before we went down for prayer.

After prayer, I brought the students back up to the classroom and told them about my voice.  I let them know they have to be on their best behavior and extra quiet today because I cannot make my voice any louder without hurting it.  We made it through math and made a bar graph about what our favorite part of Christmas break is.  It took longer than it would have if I had a voice.  The 4th grade aide came and helped me for a bit which was nice but she had to spend her time with her normal class so the times when she wasn't in the room were definitely a struggle.  Making it to 9:45 when the students have PE was really hard for me.  My throat had started burning and I was having a hard time with a few of my students.  I actually had to send one of my students to the office this morning because it was becoming such a struggle and I could not keep hurting my voice anymore.  Once it was time for PE, I could have not been more grateful.  I was not having the greatest day and my class was not making it easy on me.  After making some more tea, I went up to the classroom and let go of some of my emotions for a bit.  We spent the rest of the time after PE and before lunch in the computer lab so I didn't have to talk as much.

After lunch, I decided I needed to teach a little Reading to them so I pushed my way through that for about an hour before popping in a few movies for them to watch before library.  Library came and went and then it was finally time to get ready for them to go home.  My day was not over after school, however, because Julissa normally does homework help after school and since she was not here, I had to do it for her.  That definitely did not help my voice.  Once it was over, I was ready to leave school. I felt so emotionally tired and my throat was making me feel the consequences of talking all day.

Looking back at my day, I realize it could have been worse but I definitely think that this has been one of my hardest days as a teacher.  I take my voice for granted quite often and having lost my voice before, I always feel powerless when it happens.  I know that as a teacher I should not need my voice to have control of my classroom and that many people communicate without their voice each day but I am not strong enough to do that yet.  I admire people that use sign language and non-verbal forms of communication each day because it opens up a whole new world for us.  However, I felt like I was at my weakest as a teacher because I could not use my voice.  I cannot tell you how many times I stopped today to say a quick prayer to God for strength and patience.

I have not talked all evening which has been hard for me but I know that I have to do it in order to get better.  I do have a few positives to end this post tonight though so no worries.

Positives:
~I am a much better listener when I cannot talk back.
~I was able to work out again today which I hadn't done since last week when I got sick.
~I will be home in 4 short days!
~Julissa will be back tomorrow to help me.
~I have great roommates that are helping me get better.
~I do have some very kind and caring students despite their vast amount of talking.

I hope you find the positives in your day if you had a rough one as well! I am going to head to bed soon in hopes that my voice comes back tomorrow.  Good night and peaceful dreams!