This Is It

On this day one year ago, I said 'goodbye' to my dad, the last person that I saw from Kansas and started my adventure in Florida as a Catholic Volunteer. Looking back at my posts from a year ago, it is still very vivid in my mind how difficult that first week away from home was but also how necessary this past year was for me.

I could go on about how the first two weeks being down in Florida were some of the most difficult I've ever experienced on my own. I could relive all the frustrating moments from the school year but as all those thoughts come to mind, I know that God gave me all those experiences for a reason.  I left Kansas and everything that was comfortable to me so I could struggle.  By the end of college, I had such a routine going that I knew if I didn't leave, I'd get stuck in the motions and never really live life as God intended me to live it.  I left for a number of reasons that I did not always share with people but I knew that I really needed a chance to struggle and fight on my own.

God gave me the great luxury my whole life of being surrounded with supportive friends and family who were at my side constantly.  Whether in Emporia or Wichita, if I needed someone, they could be there in an instant.  But let's be honest, I've never really faced true problems in my life.  This past year, my eyes were open to the true issues of the world and that's when I came to realize how selfish I really could be sometimes.  I've said it before and I'll keep saying it: it's not about me or you or anyone or anything.  We are meant to live our life for God and through God, always serving Him to the best of our abilities.  I wasn't in a 3rd World country or living in a very poor part of Miami so really, I had life pretty good this past year but even the slightest of sacrifice for the sake of others, can make all the difference in someone's life.  Now my students might not remember me two years from now or even next year but no matter how many times I came home from school frustrated, I will always be grateful to have had them in my life.  Some of the struggles they encountered daily outside school far surpass any struggle I might ever face in my life back here in Kansas.

My eyes needed opening this past year and opened they were.  Opened to a whole new culture, opened to real struggle and pain, but also opened to a whole new part of the United States that I might have never had a chance to see and really explore had I not gone.  This also gave me the opportunity to meet a fantastic group of new friends that helped, watched, and grew with me along our journey of service.  As a group, we hit a few bumps and lost some members but we also gained a bond that, no matter how many miles are between us, will always be part of us.  We had to open up to one another and let our guards down because very early on we realized that for some of us, we were all we had throughout this year. We had to be each other's family because most of our real family was so far. Tears were shed at times but mostly, we laughed constantly, reflected on the year, and soaked up each minute with one another. I will never forget how they were there for me in Tampa when I found out a close friend had gone into the hospital in critical condition.  We sat and prayed and at that moment, they were truly a family to me--comforting me even though they had no idea who it was that was in the hospital.

Since being back, it seems like living in Florida was ages ago because the life I have at home seems so different from how it was in Florida. I am staying quite busy: preparing for the upcoming school year, spending time with friends and family, but also trying to keep in mind that it's okay to slow down and take time for myself.  Time for personal reflection became very important to me this past year and that's something I know God wanted me to take away from my year.

I worry for a lot of things still and am not entirely sure how to put this past year into words but I do know that being part of the volunteer program for the year has made me a better person. My relationship with God has been strengthened and because of Him, I am so grateful.  I've made new friendships but been able to keep the 'old' ones as well.  I've come to appreciate the life given to me and I hope you all do as well.

As I wrap this up for one last post, I hope that you realize how important it is to give back what's been given to you. If we all give a little more and take a little less, weigh out our wants versus our needs, and really focus on the importance of relationships with one another, then our lives will be filled with more joy.  God came to Earth so that we could be happy; "I have come that you might have life and have it to the fullest." (John 10:10)

Thank you for all the love and support you might have ever given me.
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier." ~Mother Teresa

Final Countdown

This past weekend I was home for a beautiful Catholic wedding that joined two of my high school classmates together in marriage.  I was able to get some boxes moved in to my new place to get a jumpstart so I don't have as much to move when I get back.  Between the wedding where I was able to see lots of friends and moving the next day, it started to hit me that I really am moving back home and starting another chapter in my life.

That being said, my days with my roommates are numbered. We decided we would make this week count and do something exciting everyday (attemptedly). Monday evening, we went out for sushi which was our first meal altogether while we were looking for places to live our first week here. After that, we decided to build a tent in our living room with our sheets and blankets.  We stayed under our tent, watched "Bunheads" on ABC Family, and ate ice cream to complete our girls night.

The next morning, we were going to wake up and watch the sunrise but that didn't really happen. Well, actually, I woke up and no one else really and I didn't really feel like moving so it was kind of my fault.  I did more packing in the afternoon and the room is starting to get quite empty.  I cooked dinner for us while the girls were out apartment hunting so we had another nice meal together and decided we would try again to wake up and watch the sunrise.

We woke up this morning ready to go but the weather was not as kind to us.  It was storming but Amanda was persistent that we go to the beach anyway so we went.  It was sprinkling and we really couldn't see much but it was the idea of it. After we went and had breakfast at Denny's before we all headed off to service for the day.

I only have 3 days left here. It hardly seems real at this point. Like moving down here, it probably won't hit til the car is packed and dad and I hit the road. This week my prayer intention has been for all those who are in the middle of a transition in their lives whether that be relationships, jobs, or living situations.   God has a plan for all of us, even if it isn't really clear right now.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

With a huge thanks to my dad and his Fed Ex rep, the girls, my friend, Kathryn, and I went to watch the Cardinals play the Miami Marlins last night.  We got to see the brand new stadium which was exciting for me. It had a very modern look and feel to it from the colors and retractable roof to the food around the stadium.  We chose to eat from the Mexican area and had some delicious Key Lime chicken tacos and split some churros but they also offered Cuban, Kosher, and Gluten-free options as well as the normal hamburgers and hotdogs.  The game started off great for the Cardinals fans with getting 5 runs in the first inning and then coasting from there but it was enjoyable nonetheless.  It was nice to be back at a Major League game since I've missed games with my family the past 3 years.  It was also Patricia's first baseball game so I'm glad I was able to share in that experience with her.  I only have 2 and a half weeks left here and I can hardly believe it.

I'll Never Be the Same...

This past weekend was the final retreat/decommissioning for our service year.  It was absolutely the best weekend with my volunteer family.  The girls and I arrived on Thursday night and hung out with everyone that night.  Friday we slept in a little and then went to downtown Orlando for lunch.  We went and picked up our final volunteer friend from the train station and then headed to our executive director's house to start the retreat.  Friday was a pretty laid back evening of just talking and playing games.  I also really appreciated that we were at her house because it felt personal and more intimate.  We were in a small circle and it just felt like family.  We had a delicious dinner of Shepard's Pie and all sorts of sides and desserts made by our directors.  It was a really comforting first night back together.

Saturday, we had a full day of activities from awards to surveys and then in the evening, we had a gathering of several board members, alumni, and various important members of the CVIF community to celebrate one of our leaders moving to another position in Florida.  We were all able to interact and then I had made a video to share our memories from throughout the year that was shown to everyone.  Following that, we had a small fire going and made s'mores.  Once everyone started leaving, we cleaned up and headed back for one last night of bonding together at our friend's apartment.  We were also trying to prepare ourselves for the next day which would be full of sadness but joy.

We gathered for Mass on Sunday morning at the church where we started our year, San Pedro Center.  It was absolutely perfect to finish our year where we started.  Once Mass was over, they held a decommissioning ceremony for the nine of us that finished our year.  After pictures were taken and trying to delay some goodbyes, most all of us went to have some Chinese and then back to our friend's apartment. We all hung out for awhile and I burned copies of the movie for everyone to take with them but before we knew it, our time to head back to Miami was coming since we had the longest drive.  Minimal tears were shed but our hearts were definitely in pain.  As is normal in any situation such as this, some of us are closer to one another than others but my heart was still aching as I gave each of my friends a long hug.  There were a few that I didn't want to let go of but I know that this is not the end.  The nine of us that made it through this year have a bond like no other and I will never be the same person because of them.  We are planning our reunion already so that we all have something to look forward to.  I'm not the same person I was before and I think that leaving Florida might actually become harder than leaving Kansas.  I'm not sure I'm ready for it but just like 11 months ago, it's coming whether I like it or not.

Horizontal and Vertical Relationships

So tonight on my run, I was listening to this pastor speak on the Christian radio station here.  I have been listening to him more and more as I run because it gives me something to think about while I'm running and I feel like I run better when I'm praying and focusing on God.  Anyway, the topic tonight was, "Who Helps You?" and started out by listing the initial people in our lives that we go to in times of struggle such as family, friends, people involved at our church, etc.  When we go to these people, we receive sympathy and offerings to help but we walk away with no solution to our problem.  The person we should have gone to first was, of course, God because (as the pastor put it and I don't completely agree) He was the one that gave us the problem and therefore, is the only one that can help us through it.  It's time for us to stop focusing so much on our horizontal relationships, those here on Earth with us, when we are in trouble and look vertically, up to God.

I was on a one-day retreat this weekend with Patricia with what ended up being a Catholic Filipino group of adults.  I must say it was quite a new but neat experience to immerse myself in yet another culture but they were all so kind to us.  Their life experiences are far more extensive than mine have been so far or might ever be but it was a beautiful reminder of how truly universal the Catholic church is.  On Sunday, I went to Mass at Barry, where I've gone to church since November, for the last time and said 'goodbye' to the priest and thanked him for all his help and support this year.  It was a very different feeling because he truly did help me and watch me grow this year without ever really knowing much about me.  I know these 'goodbyes' will become more common in the next month.  All these "horizontal" relationships this year have helped me in some way with my "vertical" relationship with God.

"We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7

From Firsts to Lasts

On Thursday, I said "good bye" to one of my dearest students for the last time.  It brought tears to my eyes and I knew it would.  My heart started to ache and I was only imagining what the next day would be like.  I prayed all night that all my students would be at school the next day so I could give them a proper "good bye" and all but 6 of them were there so I could not be too upset.  We started our last day of school with Mass and it really started to hit in the middle of Mass that this was the last time I would share in this sacrament with them.  My heart started to sink once again as one of my 2nd graders laid her head on my shoulder.

Once Mass finished, we went back to the classroom for the last hour of school to pass out awards and just have fun together one last time.  Parents started showing up and before I knew it, it was time to give them all one last hug.  Some of them were ready to go and went on their way but others stayed and held on to me which made it even worse.  The parents of those students knew I wasn't coming back which made it all the more difficult.  I received many compliments about how I did this year but that did not ease much of the pain I was feeling as I let my students walk out the door.  Eventually we walked down to the courtyard so that the parents could get their student(s) right away without having to walk all around the school.  One of my third graders was adamant not to leave me and insisted I give her my phone number.  I told her I could not do that but that we would keep in contact through my co-teacher next year.  Her older sister had also become like another student in my class because she stayed after school in the homework help program so giving her one last hug was just as tough.  Their 2 little sisters even knew I wasn't coming back and told me good luck in Kansas next year.  Watching their family leave will probably be engrained in my mind for a long time because the tears started flowing again once they left.

I can't believe that close to 10 months ago my class walked in with big eyes to see their new teacher and now I will have to walk away with big puffy eyes because how much they have changed me.  I have been praying and hoping all week that I did something right with them  Some of them, even if I do come back and visit soon, I will never see again because they are moving out of state or to another school.  Those "good byes" were especially tough because I will never know what happens to them.  I can only pray that God protects them and they stay close to Him in the future.  Being a teacher has all of a sudden become so scary because I realized on that last day of school how much of an impact I might have had this year.  I will never truly know the impact on had on this class of 2nd and 3rd graders but I think I got a small glimpse in those last few hours.

We had a teacher luncheon to end the school year that afternoon and as the teachers left, I realized it was the last time I would be in the same room with all of them again.  No one really said "good bye" or "good luck" to me and that was okay with me but I almost felt a bit empty because of it.  I think I will experience more closure when I actually finish summer school in a month.

I have this whole week off before summer school starts so I will be spending some of that time at the beach and working on projects I've been wanting to do all year.  It's time to enjoy my last month in Florida before I move back to Kansas for good!

Beginning of the End

We have 3 more days of school left and in those days we will be having a party, cleaning, and receiving awards.  It still has not completely clicked in my head that come Friday or whenever some of my students decide to leave and not come back, that I might not see them again--ever.  I know that is very pessimistic to think and I can only hope I did my best with them.  I printed off pictures of them today to give them tomorrow so that hopefully they can remember this school year.  Their faces in the picture were so happy and it started to break my heart inside that I will have to leave them.  I know they will never understand it but they changed me this year and watching them walk away on Friday will be the toughest part of my year.  So many people tell me I'm a good teacher but honestly, I'm not sure I will ever know, especially when I can't continue to watch them grow as a person.  I could teach them every standard required and advance them as far as possible but unless I know they are a good person who keeps God in their life and respects everyone around them as well as themselves, I'm not sure I will ever feel like an accomplished teacher.  I worry for my students that have particularly poor attitudes and no motivation in school.  Some days I try my best and some days I just get so frustrated because of how negative they are.  I hope and pray that their mind changes and they find direction in this world.  I don't want them to be lost at such a young age. 

I think I've done enough deep thinking and worrying about them tonight.  I did some baking this evening for their party and during the day, after the students left, I did some classroom cleaning so the room is certainly starting to look barren.  I guess that's really the sign that the school year is over.  Come Friday, I will be able to check first year of teaching off the list.  That in itself almost brings tears to my eyes.  I better get some sleep before I get too emotional.  Good night and may you find peace in all that you do and remember that we never know the impact we might have on someone else. 

What a Week(s)

I have been such a slacker in posting lately and it's not due to being boring.  One week ago, after a long wait and drive in the car, the girls and I went to Key West for the weekend! We've been on a lot of road-trips this year but this might be my favorite trip of the year.  We got to see the most beautiful sunset, walk around their famous Duval street, share a delicious slice of Key Lime pie, sit on the beach, but most importantly relax and enjoy each other's company.  This trip really bonded us together and I know it will be a memory that I cherish forever.  Our time together is getting shorter and shorter and this trip really made me realize that.  I also realized on the drive back that my days with my students are numbered.

I started out my school week a little tired from the exciting weekend but I wasn't the only one.  Tuesday we were all a little sleepy but it started to hit that we were within counting days of school being out.  We reviewed most of the week for their final math test to make sure they remembered everything and I prayed that I did something right this year.  Throughout the week, I talked to various teachers and some of them are ready for the year to be over so they look at me confused when I get sentimental about the year ending.  Even if I had the worst class in the year this year, that would not the change the fact that they are the first class I have ever taught on my own not to mention these students are the reason I came down to Florida.  They hold such a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.  As the week progressed, my students' behavior hadn't really changed from normal but I felt like it was a really good week overall.  I had a student pull the fire alarm one day and after he went to the office and his mom came, he was pretty perfect after that.  The way some of my students have grown really amazes me but there are some that I still worry about. Thank goodness Julissa is keeping almost everyone from our class this year so I can call and check in on them.  I will also have some of my really low level learners this summer for summer school so I hope that having more one-on-one time with them will help them progress and get to where they need to be.  I've been trying to make summer school sound exciting for the ones that I know are coming so they don't dread their summer.

God has just truly amazed me with who he has put in my life this year.  I think first of my roommates who I consider lifelong friends because we have seen each other through so much, the silly moments, the tears, and the late nights.  Never did I think that I would have been surrounded with such different but genuine ladies at this point in my life.  While the 3 of us are from very diverse backgrounds, it has made our bond even stronger because we are able to help one another grow in new ways and see from new perspectives.  I then broaden my thoughts to my CVIF family and the impact they will have on my life and year forever.  My time down here with them is also getting shorter and while I don't get to see them everyday, the idea of moving away from them makes my heart sad.  God is so ingenious and gave me exactly what I needed this year.  Our final retreat is fast approaching and I'm trying to focus on all the good memories God has provided us with as a family this year.  I know that the bond we have will not be broken so I'm not too worried.

I knew at the beginning of the year that I would eventually fall in love with my life down here because God had great things planned and I think that has definitely happened.  I am very excited to move back home in July because I know I am blessed to have friends and family to welcome me back but my time down here has truly changed me forever.

My days with my class are numbered and my weeks in Florida are as well.  I can only pray that I finish following God's will for me down here before I move back and start the next part of my life.  Happy weekend!

Then and Now

This past weekend I successfully flew into Wichita, after an interesting change in my flight schedule and evacuating the airport for a few hours on Friday, and surprised my little sister for her high school graduation! It was a fantastic weekend at home complete with family time, a bachelorette party, and seeing my good friend that was in the hospital and now engaged! While I was home though, everyone was settling in for summer and finishing up school.  As people started to ask me when I was done with school and moving back, my feelings of jealousy started to grow stronger because we still have 2 and a half weeks of school left.  My mind then drifts to what my routine for the past 4 summers...starting training for camp.  I would be rejoined with my summer family who consumes all my time but makes my summer so enjoyable and memorable.  When I was making my decision to join the program, I truly hesitated because I did not want to have to leave my summer family.  Each summer I have spent out there gets better and better.  I guess it's time to stop being selfish though and let some new people become part of the family out there. 

The class was especially unruly today but we made sure and talked to parents so that they are aware.  I hope that helps me for tomorrow because my co-teacher will be gone tomorrow and Thursday.  At this time of the year, I will take all the help I can get.  One of my boys that is especially difficult asked me today why I had to leave and that he wanted me to stay.  I was feeling a bit tired when he said that but it made me stop and really think. I knew that he meant it because he'd had a rough day so at that point, I did not expect that to come out of his mouth.  I have been praying a lot lately for me to have extra patience with my class and to also enjoy these last few weeks with them.  Although they will be crazy and some days I will probably be ready for school to end, I know I will regret it later if I am constantly letting myself be frustrated and upset with them.  Coming back this time was not sad or hard at all but I just knew these last few weeks could be potentially really long because their behavior could slowly decline.  I will keep my head up though.  I just need to remind myself that I came to serve, through the good and the not as good times of the school year.

I'm saying my prayers tonight that my class and I have a good day together tomorrow and Thursday. I will also be keeping everyone that is finishing up school this week, teachers, students, staff, etc. in my prayers as they finish up their year and prepare for summer.  I hope God leads them to fun but safe adventures and memories.   

Irony

Before I start, do not be alarmed but this morning there was shooting next to the school right as school was starting.  None of our students were hurt or affected in any way.  We went on lockdown for about 20 minutes but still went on with our normal school day.  I have never felt safer in that school.  I knew it was close and my students had their own stories about what they saw as they arrived but I knew God was keeping our school safe, as well as the police officers that immediately surrounded our perimeter.  The situation was over quickly and we said a prayer for all those involved.  While this is not necessarily a positive remark, as far as irony goes, our assistant principal was talking to us at Panera on Friday about the numerous times her previous school down here had gone on lockdown because it was in such a rough neighborhood.  I do not think my school is in the safest neighborhood but I've never felt in danger.

On the subject of irony, last night I was reading our new "book club" book that the program gives us to read in between each retreat.  This book, "How Coffee Saved My Life And Other Stories of Stumbling to Grace", is about a girl who went down to Uruguay to serve as part of a volunteer program and all of her experiences throughout her time.  I am only 10 pages in but I find her so relatable in how she has depicted the beginning of her service.  Her time before she left was much more strenuous than mine, including losing a friend to cancer, but the way she words it just seems to fit me so well.  I wish I could have written my story as well as she has written hers, and maybe one day I will, but for now, here's an excerpt from a journal entry in her book,

"October 7
I wanted to listen and learn in hopes of returning a more grounded, intelligent, worldly woman who is also a hopeful, relevant, responsible, and sensitive citizen of the world. I wanted to sneak past that coastal guard and work my spoiled butt off for justice and human rights while being gently, ever so gracefully presented with a different way of life.  And by all means, I wanted to leave room for my imperfections."

To close for the night, I read a really neat article about how Chef Mario Batali cut back his family's food allowance for a month and lived off what those who receive food stamps would be able to buy.  I do not really know much about the food stamp program but I read they are considering cutting some of its costs.  Personally, I think of my own students and how some of them might be on food stamps or at least have very little to eat.  I really admire that Chef Batali chose to take on that challenge and step into someone else's shoes and open himself up to simpler living.  We are far from food stamps this year but we have had to cut back on what we might normally buy at the grocery store.  I think everyone could benefit from looking at what they buy at the grocery store as a want versus a need.

Unorganized Mind

Sometimes I think I have too many thoughts but am not as good at expressing them as I like to think or am very unorganized when I do so please do not criticize too much if this a little out of order.  All week I have been attempting to write my testimony that I mentioned last time.  I have finished writing it but am not quite satisfied.  I have had so much happen this past week but have just been in a slump I suppose.  Today in Mass, the homily was about how we have all these materials because we think that is what is going to make us happy but yet, we still want more.  We buy more and more because that's what is going to fulfill us.  Now I obviously am not out to buy my happiness because I joined a volunteer program in order to simplify my life.  I do think I have become ungrateful for what I have at times though, even if I do not say it.  This past week at school was fast and many of my students are doing well.  It's the end of the school year so they are a little more rambunctious but overall, they are pretty normal.  One of them even wrote a biography about me saying she is my lucky charm and how much I will be missed.  I love the joy my students bring me and Julissa and I have really been enjoying our days together, more than normal it seems.  So maybe it's not school that has me in a slump.  I think that it is the fact that all my friends and baby sister are graduating and I haven't or won't be there to watch any of them walk across the stage.  Many of them were there for my high school and/or college graduation, sharing in my big moment, so not being back to celebrate with them is hard on me.  I even watched the live stream of ESU's graduation yesterday morning and cheered proudly for all my friends that walked across the stage.  Madelyn said I was crazy for doing that but that was the only way I was going to feel connected to them at all at that moment.  I had plenty to keep my mind occupied but yet I could not help but feel down for not being back for everyone's graduations. 

On Thursday night, Patricia won tickets on the radio to the Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, and Thompson Square concert in Palm Beach so after the excitement calmed down. We enjoyed our evening and I was able to sleep in on Friday a little bit.  We had teacher in-service which consisted of a 2 hour meeting and then myself, Patricia, Julissa, and another teacher went for lunch at Panera.  It was nice to spend some time with them outside school and relax on our day off.  Patricia and I went to pick up the tickets after and had ourselves a little adventure.  We were still going off our energy from the night before so were having ourselves a great time in the car.  Saturday, after I watched the graduation, I kept writing my testimony and really couldn't tell you what I did the rest of the day until I got ready for the concert.  We headed up to Palm Beach, only about an hour away, and soaked up the concert atmosphere.  The concert was at an ampitheater and our tickets were for the lawn so we grabbed our chairs and found a spot.  It reminded me of the Riverfest and felt like home.  The concert was perfect.  Each artist was unique but like most of country music, their songs always made a connection with me.  Patricia even said she's going to have to start downloading some new songs because she enjoyed it so much.  After the concert was over, I went back to the apartment and soaked up the day's events.  I found my mind wishing that I was back in Kansas again with my newly graduated friends.  How selfish am I sometimes? I went to a fantastic concert for free and I'm still wishing for something more. 

I'm so glad the homily today was about being grateful for what you God has given me. I've not had a horrible life down here at all, especially compared to the lives of some of my students.  I need to be grateful for the people that are with me in this moment because my time with them is getting shorter.

Also, it's Mother's Day so just another reason I wish I was back home but I think my mom and grandmas know that.  I love them very much and cannot begin to talk about how grateful I am for all their love and support throughout this year. God has been so good to me. 

Putting It Into Words

This past week has been an emotional roller-coaster with my friend being in the hospital but thanks to all the prayers, she is doing much better and hopes to be released tomorrow! Thank you for all the prayers you sent up for her and her family.  Amidst all of that, our executive director asked us to submit a story and photo to the Catholic Volunteer Network (where I set up my profile and how CVIF found me) about our year of service in terms of faith, community, simple living, or social justice.  If my story/testimony wins the competition, it will be published on their website and in their RESPONSE directory of volunteer programs.  I have two months left down here and only one month left with my class.  I have yet to be able to really summarize and put into words what this year has done for me. I know that my story will be about faith but as I start to write it, I am definitely struggling with what to write.  This year has become so important to me in so many ways so I want to keep writing my testimony about it but I just keep rewriting it and starting over.  I need to just give it up to God and it will flow perfectly but I really want others to hear about how life changing an experience like this can be.  If you really surrender everything you have and put it into God's hands, He will take care of you.  Personally, I used to have a big trust issue with letting God have control of my life but in reality, I've never had control of my own life.  A good friend of mine had to remind me of that last week when my friend was in the hospital.  I just wish I could really let people of all ages around the country know that it's okay to take a chance.  God is not ever going to put us in danger.  It might be scary but that's only because we do not know what's coming next.  That's why we need to have faith.  “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” (Heb. 11:1)  


That is the Bible verse I have opened my story with and I am hoping that as I continue to write, this verse provides me with more inspiration and that the Spirit guides my writing.  


I'm saying extra prayers for all those graduating and ending their school years this week.  It's mind-boggling to think that just over a year ago, I was graduating from ESU and how much has happened since.  Lifting up prayers for everyone, as always.  

Prayers

This past weekend, my roommates and I went to Tampa and it was a great time.  We served at an elementary school health fair so I got to play with children of all ages while the hospital employees promoted the free swim lessons and other benefits they were offering to parents.  To make it even better, this whole event was through the YMCA which made me so happy! I just kept thinking of more reasons why I enjoy working and being associated with the YMCA.  The whole day I kept thinking of my camp family and how thrilled I was to be moving back closer to them. 

Once we got done with service, we showered and I straightened my hair before we went out for my birthday dinner.  We went to a delicious restaurant in Tampa and the 7 of us enjoyed each others' company. I even tried raw oysters! They actually weren't that bad if you don't mind a little sand in them. I had a great salad that filled me up perfectly and then blew out the birthday candles on my cupcakes that the Tampa girls made for me.  It started pouring so that canceled our plan to walk along the river in downtown so we went to the country bar right away.  It was not quite like the country bars I am used to back home but just listening to the music and being surrounded by people who enjoy that same atmosphere was nice.  They did lots of line dancing, well pretty much all line dancing, so I was studying people's feet to figure it out.  I think I'm going to try going to the line dancing classes not too far from our apartment.  We went to another bar for the rest of the night and then stopped at Food Network acclaimed eatery on the way back to get some tacos. 

The next morning I woke up around 8 or so and started getting packed while everyone else was sleeping.  The Orlando group had to leave around the same time as us so we had some delicious pancakes and then started talking.  I had gone back to check my phone in Cristina's room when I noticed a missed call.  After calling my friend back, I found out that a very good friend from camp was/is in the hospital in critical condition.  She went into cardiac arrest and is currently in a medically induced coma.  I am very worried, especially being so far, but all we can do is wait right now.  They are waiting to see how everything has affected her brain but we won't know the full results for 72 hours.  If you could lift up some prayers for her and her family, it would be very appreciated.  I am horribly impatient in situations such as this so I am struggling but I just keep praying that she will wake up from her coma tomorrow with little to no brain damage.  I am very grateful for my Camp Hyde family because we are really good at communicating with each other and being supportive.  My friend, Megan, is not going to give up her fight but I just hope she wakes up sooner rather than later.

Bittersweet

April is almost over.  I can hardly believe it and I am actually becoming saddened by it.  My days with my class are getting lower and while some days I am ready for the summer, those too are becoming few and far between.  I love my students even though they might drive me insane some days. After homework help the other day, a parent and her four children, one of which is in my class, and I were talking about my plans for next year.  She didn't realize I wasn't from Florida and had heard I was going to be teaching 5th grade next year.  One of her children will be in 5th grade next year at school and he thought I was staying.  I told her I was going to be moving back to Kansas and teaching in Wichita at a Catholic school there, not here in Miami.  Her face and his both dropped.  She said some kind words about how her children love me and that she would be sad to see me go.  Her son, whom I have kind of taken under my wing I suppose and tried to tutor after school, hugged me and said he would miss me very much.  I reminded him it's too early for "goodbyes" because I'm not mentally ready for that yet. 

That moment really made me wish I was staying next year because I will miss them all so much.  I know it is God's will that I go back to Wichita and I am thoroughly excited about that, no doubt but leaving behind these students that have made such a difference in my life will be hard.  They will never really understand how they have helped me this year. 

I have one month of school days left with all of my students before summer school and I fully intend to make the most of it.

Birthday Business

My birthday was this week and it was absolutely splendid.  My students and co-teacher surprised me with a party complete with confetti, presents, and ice cream.  I was overjoyed and flattered that they put that much effort into something for my birthday.  I was standing in front of them opening my presents and shaking a little bit because I was in such blissful shock. That evening, the girls and I went out for Panera and then some dessert downtown.  In between, I received numerous texts, phone calls, and birthday cards.  It was the perfect birthday for being far from most of my friends and family.  We will be heading to Tampa this weekend to celebrate with everyone else in the program. 

Besides birthday celebrations this week, I had my class on my own for two days and many of you would probably roll your eyes.  Most people think I'm spoiled with having a co-teacher but the truth is, we both work hard with our students when we aren't teaching because they need extra help, support, and discipline at times. So when one of us is gone, that day seems extra long because we don't get a break at all.  I feel proud to say this time around I was able to handle the classroom, get everything accomplished, and even have a little fun with them without any other teachers coming into the room for support.  I love my students but they can definitely be a handful so having extra help definitely makes a difference in terms of their attitude and behavior. 

The weekend came and I knew I had a lot to get done.  Thank goodness it rained quite a bit this weekend so I was forced to stay in and get all my grading, cleaning, etc. done.  I hung out with my friend on Saturday and we had dinner in downtown Ft. Lauderdale which was fun.  I've also started planning and booking for our trip to Key West over Memorial Day weekend! We are very excited!

To end, I wanted to share a synopsis of the priest's homily from Mass.  Today in the Gospel, Jesus found his apostles and showed them His scars.  The priest proceeded to talk about how we all have struggles and scars in our lives.  No one gets through life without a few stumbles and falls but those scars and struggles are "foundational to who we are" as he put it.  I found this so wonderful because those moments do shape and mold us.  That doesn't mean we should fall down and lay victim to them but we can use those tough times as a way to help us.  Jesus has far more scars than we ever will but He conquered all of them and uses them to teach us.  Just a good thought for the week I thought. 

Happy 3rd Week of Easter!

Back to Reality

After a wonderful time on Spring Break back in Kansas, it was time to head back to Florida.  I was anticipating my students to be more unruly than they actually were today.  They greeted me with big hugs and smiles once they entered the classroom.  Their smiles and hugs are so genuine, especially when we've been separated for a period of time.  School was pretty good today, considering it was the first day back from our break.  It's time to buckle down and focus on this last month and a half of school.  I told my family that it will go fast and I'll be back in no time at all.

Speaking of time flying, it's my birthday tomorrow and that's just a bit strange.  I guess it's true that as you get older, the number isn't important and neither are the presents.  I just like to have time with the people I care about.  I would love nothing more than to spend time with every single friend and family member tomorrow but I will get to spend it with my students and my wonderful roommates which will be just perfect.  Each birthday brings new thoughts and ideas to my head and this year is no different. I could not be more grateful for the people that I am blessed to have in my life.  Going home reminded me of all the relationships that I will get to come home to but also that I will be leaving behind some very remarkable people that have greatly impacted my life forever.  This year has definitely been yet another turning point in my life and I will never regret having done this.  God always knows what He is doing and I'm so glad I had the courage to trust in Him.  Tonight I will be going to sleep with a smile on my face because I could not be feeling more blessed on the eve of my 23rd birthday.

Families

I spent the past week at a retreat down here in Miami with my fellow CVIF members.  It was a great retreat and there is lots to share but I think this post is meant to reflect on something else that is often on my mind.  Throughout my time down here, I have shared with many people how blessed I am to have a very supportive family back home in Kansas.  While there are a lot of them, cousins, aunts, uncles, not to mention my immediate family, I know that they will always be there for me regardless of the decisions I make in my life.  They truly mean the world to me and I love them dearly.  I have missed them so much this year and think about them constantly but their support is what gives me strength when I am feeling down.  I realize that not everyone has the same family situation which makes me love mine even more but I do think that everyone has a family or families that love them. 

The word "family", to me, no longer just means someone that is related to you by blood.  The older I have become (and I know I'm not that old) the more families I have been surrounded by.  When I was in college, I gained my Didde family because I needed a church family to cling to and help me grow. In Didde, I gained brothers and sisters that helped me grow as a person and in my relationship with God.  We even had a "mom" that watched over all of us students and took care of us whenever we needed a mother.  The bonds I formed there are some that I know will last for a long time as if sisters and brothers that have know each other all their lives.

In the summer of 2009, I gained another family in my life--my Camp Hyde family.  I remember my boss, Jon, telling us at the start of summer that we will be a family; we will have great laughs, fun times, and some arguments along the way but no matter what, we stick together.  I have always admired Jon for all the hard work he puts into camp each year and the time he invests in each person that works for him during the summers.  I have formed great memories at camp and am grateful that my friends have been very supportive of me moving down here for the year.  Their confidence in me made me feel stronger about moving away.  They were there with me on my last day in Kansas in July and some of the first people I saw when I came home at Christmas just like my blood family. 

This year I have gained another family in my life. I'm sure you can guess this is my CVIF family.  Spending the past week with these people has been nothing short of wonderful.  We have been through many struggles but also joyful moments thus far.  We started out the year with 14 in August, lost 5 along the way but gained 5 as of this past retreat.  This family is a group of people that I am able to relate to in a new way.  The experiences and emotions we have been through this year are those that not many others can relate to unless they have had a similar experience.  This is no one's fault but simply the product of our choices.  We had a speaker that talked to us about how to handle life after our service year which was a topic that had been occupying my mind lately.  We found out there are conferences in different parts of the country where we can share our experiences with others who have also been part of a volunteer program.  There were several of us that would like to attend one because while we love the families we left behind very much, it can be hard to relate to someone that does not see the same struggles and go through the same changes we have.  God has definitely sent me some amazing people to share my year of service with and I have no doubt that this is yet another family that will be part of my life for a very long time.  

I am headed home on Wednesday to see my other families and cannot wait! Each family that has become part of my life so far has had a unique and beautiful impact on my life and I am grateful to each one of them.  They have formed me and shaped me into the young woman I am today.  I love each member of my different families and am so blessed to have so many families in my life. 

For all you Kansans, see you in just 3 short days! I can't wait to be home!

Back to Normal

We finished assessments on Tuesday finally! On Wednesday, we were finally able to get back into our normal routine.  It was so nice to get back into a normal schedule so the class was calmer and knew what to do.  It also made my life easier because I could plan like normal instead of preparing them for everything on their assessments.  As much as I enjoyed doing whole group lessons with them, it was time to separate them again so they could learn according to their grade level.  We got out of school early on Friday so I spent the afternoon reading, relaxing, and getting a head start on grading.

That night I went to go see Hunger Games with my friend Kathryn who's read the books.  I didn't know much about the story line but after seeing it, I am definitely ready to read them.  So yes, I am jumping on the bandwagon but that's okay.  I am glad that I saw the movie first, though, so I was not disappointed because books are always better than the movies.

I laid by the pool for a few hours on Saturday and was rewarded with a sweet sunglasses mark because I didn't want to take them off.  Needless to say, I have raccoon eyes right now and my students will certainly give me a hard time tomorrow.  Good thing I will only be there for half a day.  More on that in a bit.  Due to my ridiculous burn, I chose to stay inside as much as possible so I graded and planned for the week since I will be gone.

This morning I went to Confession which felt really great.  I hadn't been in a long time so it was very relieving to go and feel so free afterwards.  I was listening to the Gospel during Mass and Father's homily talked about how Jesus had to let go of the good life He had for something more challenging--dying for us.  It made me reflect on how sometimes we have to let go of what's always come easy--good friends, family, a nice job, etc.--for something more difficult but more fulfilling.  I just think that holds so true and goes back to my feeling about mediocrity--how we shouldn't settle for the easy, comfortable road.  I also had the opportunity to be a Eucharistic Minister for the first time.  It was a really great experience; I felt much more connected to the Eucharist and to the Mass.

I stayed inside the rest of the day until Amanda and I had to go grocery shopping for our retreat this week.  We have a retreat this whole week down here in Miami and were asked to make dinner for everyone tomorrow night.  While on our excursion to get our ingredients for enchiladas, a man from Jerusalem insisted on telling me how much he has always wanted to go to Kansas.  He only knew I was from Kansas because I had to show my license when I was using my card to buy the groceries.  He also told me I looked like a basketball player.  He also asked if people from Kansas were racist because that's what he had heard.  I was a bit offended at this and assured him that was wrong.  Clearly, he was just trying to find a way to talk to me but Amanda found the whole situation hilarious.  I found it a bit uncomfortable but am laughing now.  I had a hat on and Amanda thinks that's what "won him over".

I am back in the comfort of the apartment again and prepping for dinner tomorrow night since I will be at school in the morning and packing once I get back.  As I mentioned, we have a week-long retreat down here and will be welcoming 5 new volunteers who will serve from March of this year to March of 2013.  We were informed that this will be a limited technology retreat, one day of which will be a silent retreat where we can't talk all day.  This means that I will not able to be on my phone as much while won't change a whole lot since it is off during the day anyway but I'm not sure if I can blog or not.  This is my warning though that if I don't call you back right away, I am just not allowed to.  If I am allowed on the computer after the day of silence is over, you can bet I will have something posted.  Imagine me not being able to talk for a day.  I'm sure you are laughing because I certainly am.  I know it will be good for me to sit and quiet myself for once.

Well I have to go finish the enchiladas but I hope you all have a great week! I will be back in Kansas in a week and a half! Once again, where has the time gone?

Start of Spring

The past week has been pretty steady with assessments.  My third graders are done but my second graders have one more day to go.  I'm so glad they are almost over because they really wear me out! I've been proctoring the 2nd grade ITBS and reading everything to them.  They must be tired of hearing my voice by now.  Today's and tomorrow's tests are definitely challenging so I've been saying extra prayers that my students don't lose patience with it.  Sometimes they get easily discouraged and frustrated.  It's almost over though! I'm definitely ready to have a normal day schedule again.

This past weekend, I did some relaxing and grading on Saturday and then the girls and I went to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in downtown Hollywood.  We got to hear a really good live band and see all sorts of people out.  Sunday morning I headed up to Jupiter to watch the Cardinals play the Marlins with dad's best friend Rusty and Doug.  They are down here to watch the games around the area so they've been driving a lot but thankfully Jupiter is only an hour away from us.  I was able to watch a little bit of pitching practice and then the players went inside before the game started.  We hung out in the parking lot and talked for the next few hours before the game. I really enjoyed just being able to sit and hang out with them.  Doug is a principal so I could talk school with him and Rusty has known me all my life so I could talk to him about anything.  Once again though, it was just so nice to have familiar faces from home down here.  There is such comfort in seeing people you love and spending time doing something you all enjoy. We were able to catch a great game even though it rained during the middle of it.  Freese hit a 3-run homer in the 8th inning to give the Cards their win against the Marlins.

I got a little too much sun and my students definitely noticed today.  I did notice my tan was starting to become a little more pronounced though! I got told I'm too white to have been living in Florida which is true.  ha ha.

Well I think it's time for me to put some aloe on and finish up some work for the night but hope you have had a great start to your week!

Mediocrity

Before I start, this week my students have their ITBS assessments so if you could send some prayers and positive thoughts their way, we would really appreciate it!

The longer I have been down here, the more I have noticed a change in myself.   I am aware that is supposed to happen but I guess I am just more aware of it personally instead of others having to point it out to me.  These past few days I have spent a lot of time at the beach and with different friends.  I was lucky enough to be able to spend some time with a friend from ESU on Friday and Saturday who has been nannying all week down here.  She transferred to a different college in Kansas and we were able to have a good conversation about the relationships that lasted despite the distance.  As we had this conversation, we both noticed how often people were content with settling for mediocrity.  She knew that she was not going to grow in the way she wanted to at ESU so she transferred and that has definitely been the best decision for her.  She was asking me questions about being down here for the year and I told her it all went back to a conference that I went to in Orlando where the theme was, "Made for More."  Ever since that conversation, I have been stuck on that theme that led me down here.

At that point in my life, I was very unsettled even though life was good.  I thought that God was calling me to do something greater, that it was time for me to stop settling for easy.  As I've been on the beach this weekend, I would go back and forth about how easy life would be if I could just lay on the beach all day.  Life would be so simple if all I had to do was listen to the waves and get a tan but where would the fun and challenge be in that? I think I've always known that I enjoy a challenge, even though it's hard.  That's part of the reason I wanted to leave is because I knew that I needed a challenge; it was time to stretch myself and not settle like I do often times.  As I finished walking on the beach today, I started thinking about how much more enriching life would be if no one settled and everyone truly challenged themselves.  I would rather know that I had tried and failed at something than never try at all.  God did not create us for mediocrity.  He made us to do great things.  John 10:10, the verse that my conference in Orlando revolved around, tells us, "I have come that you might have life and have it to the fullest." We were made for greatness!

As I start to think about the future, I have started to make new goals and dreams for myself.  I don't want this year to be the extent of my effort to do something great.  There is too much left to do in this world to stop trying now.  There's this quote from The Lorax on Pinterest that says, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It's not."